a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
