just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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