There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Welp...herpes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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