uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
