you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize