what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
