my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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