I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
