marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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