My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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