No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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