I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
