I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
