Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
