i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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