Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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