Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
