dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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