She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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