dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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