if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
