i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
