Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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