He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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