Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
