Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
