it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
