I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
