Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
