how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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