i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
