I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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