i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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