Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
