Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
