Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
