Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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