Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I bet he comes in French.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
