Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Still dying that you shit outside
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
