hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
