you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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