It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
