she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
