Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
