No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
