My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
