uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
