She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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