It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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