im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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