He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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