yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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