would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
pray to the hookup gods
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
