I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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