it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
