Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
