I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In other news, I just burned my penis
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
