Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
