Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
