Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
