I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
