Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
