Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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