I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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