as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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