if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize