so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
