Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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