A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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