Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
