would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
