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Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
