is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
