WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
