I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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