I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and she was petting her beer can
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
