No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
