I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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