jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
