Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
