Pappa wants mamma naked
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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