Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Houston, we have a squirter
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
